beta fish are suicidal or dumb or both

A few years back my sorority’s formal recruitment chair (or probably some advisor, because they never let us do anything on our own) decided to have beta fish as centerpieces for the tables on philanthropy day.   The whole point of doing gimmicky things, such as fish bowl centerpieces, was to make the potential recruits remember your house.  I realize how absurd this must sound to anyone that was never in a sorority (or WAS in one?).  Either way, at the end of recruitment, we had more beta fish than you could ever want.  Our New Member Coordinator even tried to give them away to the new pledges, “welcome to alpha delta pi, here’s a fish, just one of the many financial responsibilities we’ll throw your way.”

I took two, you know, to do my part and all.  Actually, it was just so my roommate and I could both violate the sorority house rules by having a pet.  Laura Trahan could suck it.  A year as an alum and i still have plenty of animocity to go around.

They were named Spike and Killer.  A close second in the name selection was Dog and Cat.  Despite ALL my lack of care, forgetting to feed them, rarely changing their water, using water that was too hot, dropping them on the 3rd floor bathroom tile while trying to clean their bowls, they survived an entire semester and then some.

When I FINALLY moved out of the sorority  house because I was FINALLY done being VP, I took the fish with me.  One of them died rather uneventfully.  Then there was spike…

While I was in Florida, one of my roommates took care of it for most of the break.  I figured it would be fine for that last weekend.  They can only have like 30 seconds to figure out they’re hungry until their memory restarts right?

I get back home Sunday night before school starts and I start unpacking, turn on the tv, realize there is NO FISH IN THE BOWL!?  I run over to Ashley and ask if it like…died…or whatever.  I wouldn’t have really cared because those things are MAYBE 5 bucks and a huge pain for how little they give back.  She looked at me all “?” and we both went to examine the bowl.  Obviously it was dead…somewhere.  Thus, we began our search.  By this time, Meghan showed up in my room too, wondering what all the fuss was about.

GROSS.  the fish was DRIED to the SIDE OF MY DRESSER!!!!

I got a new beta, which turned out to be a bad choice.  I don’t usually learn my lessons.  When I moved to DC for the summer, I couldn’t take the fish and my mom has two cats at home.  The fish had to be set up in the china cabinet where bob and max couldn’t get to it.  Is it bad that I’d actually have liked to see them TRY to get it?  Whatever, circle of life people.  FOOD CHAIN.

Just a few days ago my mom way overfilled the fish bowl and I told her it was gonna jump out and K itself.  She didn’t listen.  The next day I got this email:

Subject: fish

The fish did jump out and did die.

-mom

I like that my mom emails me these things even though we see eachother every day.

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Filed under but hipsters already hate me so whatever, i'm the only one entertained by this, sick sick sick disgusting gross sick

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