(in)complete with nigerian scammers

sort of.

FIVE THINGS:

1. Animal Trustees of Austin sent my dad address labels with puppies and kittens on them.  Apparently he made a donation and they sent those as a thank you.  I really doubt he donated anything though.  The envelope said he did, but it was probably just to guilt him into it.  Kitten stickers as a threat…well played Animal Trustees of Austin.  I bet my mom ends up sticking them to her mail even though they have my dad’s name on them because my dad will totally NOT use those.

2. There is a blog I’ve been reading, that truly makes me feel like I’m going to vomit or cave in on myself.  I get annoyed and overwhelmed and apocalyptic when I read it, BUT I CAN’T STOP.  No, it’s not someone’s “perfect little family” or “look at my freaking pet” blog; one of those saccharin laced web atrocities would only figuratively induce this feeling.  This is real and it’s probably only going to get worse and no one gets what I’m talking about and if I gave you the web address you would be all “uhh…I don’t get why you’d feel that way” and yeah I don’t get it either and I just used a lot of ANDS.

3. I need to stop reading Dear Old Love because while clicking “random” today I came across one too close for comfort.  It was far too specific and for about 2 minutes I thought it was about me.  Then I realized none of the guys I’ve dated probably even know that site exists.  Also, a note that I wrote is in the new Dear Old Love book.  If a certain, unfortunate, male reads it, he will totally know it’s from me.  Fortunately, but not for me when we were dating, he is a little obtuse.  I sometimes questioned whether or not he could actually read, but mostly just because he was really good at lying so you’d never really know.  Hey, some people are just really good at pretending.  I don’t even know why I read that crap.  Most of them are dumb like this one.  What part of “pithy” do they not understand?  Also, no one cares about you and your basket of emotions.  Or whatever.

4. Last night someone from my old church in college started talking to me on facebook chat.  Back in the day, we spoke maybe a total of zero times so I thought he was one of these scam people.  Is it bad I was hoping he was?  Because then I could be all, “This one time, some Nigerians were trying to get money from me…” but then after that opening the story would just start sucking.  I guess I’m glad I went along with the conversation even though he wasn’t Nigerian.  I mean, at least at the end of our talk I came to the conclusion that I’m not an interesting enough person to have “deep dark secrets”.  Oh, right, I skipped the whole part about the actual conversation so that makes no sense. Nevermind.  See this is why my whole nigerian story would have been so much better.  I SHOULD HAVE LIED.

which brings me to my last item….

5.  I read this a few days ago and saw exactly what I do here on my blog.  I can’t really be counted on for the truth and nothing but when I’m writing.  My real life is edited out and I sprinkle hyperbole where appropriate to thrust something into importance or to get a cheap punchline.   By deleting my trials, backspacing my feelings, and running a search through the everyday mundane, I try to extract whatever might have a bit of entertainment value.  I took that computer analogy too far?  By doing this I leave an image of myself that’s void of anything I’d rather you not be privileged to, while still making sure you think you know me like a best friend.  I’ve never straight up lied on my blog, but I do “storytell”.

My old style on my dusty blogspot.com blog was a little too real for my current liking.

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Filed under i can't be deep because you won't take me seriously., i will regret this tomorrow, TMI

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