mom thinks i’m fat,

After Thanksgiving, my mother puts the Spode Christmas China in the cupboard for us to use.  She stacks it on top of the regular stuff as you can see on the bottom shelf.

This is a HUGE PROBLEM for me.

Most of my meals come from leftovers.  Leftovers usually have to be microwaved.  You can’t microwave china.

Yeah, I know, I know…just take the china out and get what you want, then put everything back.  Well if it was that simple, I wouldn’t be writing this.  So, keep your little ideas to yourself.

First off, that china is HEAVY.  I don’t know what they make it out of, but I think it’s mostly bricks. If I need a microwavable plate, I have to remove all of the pretty little painted Christmas china plates that weigh 200 pounds to get to the practical stuff.  But wait, IT GETS WORSE.  There’s never anywhere to set the china while I’m getting a regular plate because my mother keeps the counter below the cupboard cluttered with crap (mail, her purse, reusable grocery bags, water bottles…grapefruits).  So I trek to the other side of the kitchen to set the weights down.  If I’m trying to get a big plate, forget it.  Not only are there plates on top of the plates, but there are serving bowls.  Screw that, I’ll just use two little plates.

LIFE IS HARD and getting a plate out of the cupboard should be easy.  Basically, my mother doesn’t want me to eat.  thanks mom love you!


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Filed under but hipsters already hate me so whatever, i am so screwed, I'll make mountains if i want to, my life is awesome

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