Walmart

Errand running and how I love thee…

The push of traffic shoved me into the parking lot and I was pissed. Walmart kills me a little, but I was here for low prices. My college degree has landed me a sweet gig as my mother’s personal assistant. Today, among other tasks, I had to buy kleenex, toilet paper, plastic wrap, and some non-existant lightbulbs. Walking through the door, list in phone, I glanced at the shopping carts.  Some days, I choose to take issue with shopping carts. I either have the stupidly optimistic idea that I can cram the contents of my list into one of those hand baskets, or the pessimist notion they will be out of everything i want. Why bother. Now if I could just get through the door… a greeter wheels a cart towards me. Fantastic. I push it through the security beeping things and it veers left, smack into the security device.  My cart is a gimp.  McDonalds rot wafts through my nostrils. Not only did I park near the wrong entrance but I parked near the wrong entrance. Everything I need is over there, not here. I walk the entire length of the checkout stations, traversing the store, my cart’s lame wheel pulling me left.  Wow, that’s one skeezy looking checkout guy.  The shopping list my mom texted me said, “glad wrap, 3 plastic containers for storing flour and rice, 6 kleenex boxes large toilet paper rolls, that lightbulb.”  Which is large?  I got the more rectangular kleenex boxes.  I thought that was logical.  I get down to the last item, that lightbulb.  I did not find it.  On the bright side, no pun intended, I did run into an enormous African-American woman with bright red and white striped hair.  Hopefully it was for the innauguration.  Hopefully?  Is that the right word?

Walmart is the worst best.

I have to return the kleenex boxes.